Kuala Lumpur, MY - Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak publicly fired his entire staff yesterday, saying he wasn't sure 'any of them technically existed anyway'. He added that 'I (he) surely exist because I (he) can ponder my existence' while staring intently at a half glass of water and or in to blank space. The move is widely seen as an attempt to gain more support among Classics scholars and followers of Kantian works, which the incumbent coalition, the Barisan Nasional (BN), has been slowly losing to opposition parties building a reputation for a Deontologist agenda.
The press statement comes weeks into an ongoing investigation of corruption allegations made against PM Najib. The report revealed shocking evidence that could 'shake our very perception of reality'. One investigator, who cannot be named due to the legal proceedings, said that "it was highly likely that the one billion dollars into his (the PM) personal bank account didn't even exist in the first place but merely an abstract conception of currency." Sources close to the PM say the move was apolitical, and merely reflects challenges to the PM's thinking. "Recently, he's been watching a lot of the Matrix trilogy and reading works by Hume and Spinoza. He's been asking random staffers how they describe the colour yellow and finding the answers unsatisfying." Dr Mahathir, a staunch detractor and eminent figure in Malaysian politics says the PM is wasting his time on matters that will remain disputable for years to come. "Najib should be focusing his attention on Nietzsche and how Malays are the
Übermensch."
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