HPB: Just Make More Goddamn Babies, Please

SINGAPORE, SIN - "Just make more goddamn babies, please." says Healthier Promoting Bureau (HPB) spokesman Dr. Fang Tee Shi.

In a statement released this morning, Dr. Fang encouraged Singaporeans to do their part for the nation and raise more kids, in an effort to stymie the country's fast declining birth rate.


Citing the latest study by the National Fun Facts Association (NFFA), Dr Fang stressed that the current 0.0012 x 10^3 replacement rate was 'unsustainable' and could lead to 'a declining economy' in the very near future. "We're running out of campaign ideas and tax cuts, so please just stop giving the excuse that you've got a headache to your husband." Dr Fang said last night, wiping sweat from his brow and constantly stealing glances at his wife, Mrs Fang Mai Lai, who was seated in the audience.

Singapore's declining birth rate has been a consistent long-term policy issue for the government, who worry that with both a declining birth rate and tighter controls on foreign immigration, Singaporeans will actually need to innovate, increase productivity be entrepreneurs. As a result, a slew of campaigns and policy changes have been made over recent years to incentivise couples here to have more screaming, headache-inducing, money-sinks commonly known as babies.

"If the problem persists, we might have to pass laws in parliament that give more gender equality like increased child paternity leave." Dr Fang said, stressing that this was only as a last resort.